Trapped
by mirai aria
Summary: Shindousan, you will do anything for success and fame, won’t you? [AU]


Disclaimer: Gravitation doesn't belong to me. It belongs to Maki Murakami and I'm just borrowing her characters for the fun of it. 'Sides, Gravitation would suck if I owned it…

A/N: Basically an _AU _about how things could be different in the Gravi world. It's… somewhat twisted, I'm told, though I'm not very sure. I do know, for sure, that I butchered Shuichi and Eiri's characters. *sweatdrop* Did I mention I wrote this piece during Physics class? That means lotsa grammatical errors and misused words, since I didn't have a dictionary or Word's handy-dandy thesaurus to help me…. Anyway, as I said – OOCness ahead and then there's the swearing and… _stuff_. Comments and criticisms are more than welcomed! I _need_ 'em actually… Okay, on with the fic…!

Trapped

To the world it was a picture of every fangirl's dream _shounen-ai _(_yaoi_ to the some rabid ones) coupling: Badass writer with an attitude falls, quite reluctantly too rumors say, to one talented genki rock star. Fangirls swooned at the coupling. Housewives pretend to scorn at the unconventional, not to mention immoral, coupling but secretly yearn for that level of intimacy with their spouses. Men generally ignore it, but some (secretly) lust for the latter of the two.

Basically, it had the very exact effect on the public as he'd predicted it would have and as he sat in his chair, one leg crossed over the other, he was beyond pleased. 

It sold and that was what exactly he had wanted. 

He glanced down at the latest issue of Bop Peat[1] and regarded the cover picture of smiling blue-eyed, pink-haired boy with a heart-shaped face with a smirk.

"Shindou-san," He said softly, "You will do anything for success and fame, won't you?"

To say he didn't pity the boy would be a lie but he'd stopped caring for everyone outside his 'family' a long time ago, feeling only contempt for those who had hurt his love ones.

---

The boy hugged his knees close to his chest, willing for the sounds of carnal pleasure coming from the other room to go away. He whimpered and covered his ears when the soft moans and groans were replaced by frantic yelling.

He had been naïve, letting himself be into deceiving the worlds for the sake of fame. He shuddered when the yelling stopped and a relative silence fell upon the apartment. Sniffing and holding back the tears threatening to all, he crawled to his bed and pretended to be asleep. It would not be long until his housemate's latest 'sex partner' asked about him. And sure enough, only minutes later, the door to his room opened with a slight creak, flooding his room with light. He didn't get a glimpse of how she looked because he had his back against the door but he heard her voice. It was lovely.

"Aww… he's asleep." 

There was a pause, followed by the sound of the door closing. He wished he wouldn't have to hear the rest of the conversation, but knew he might as well wish for the moon. Fate was cruel to him that way.

"—Does he… you know? Mind?" It sounded _almost_ worried.

"No," came the gruff reply and the boy winced. "He encourages it, actually."

If by 'encourage' he meant 'ignores and tries to forget about', then by all means the boy agreed.

"Wow."

"We have threesomes sometimes," The boy cringed. "The idiot can be such a slut…"

The girl laughed and her laughter made the boy shrink. He wanted to crawl under his bed and _die_. Bastard, he thought, referring to his cold insufferable bastard of a 'housemate'. The same housemate he couldn't bring himself to fully hate, much to his chagrin.

He waited for the voices to die down, waited until he was sure the girl was gone and his housemate was lounging on the couch, filling his lungs with smoke while _he_ too waited for him.

"Yuki Eiri, you _BASTARD_!" The boy yelled at the top of his lungs as he stomped out of his room and slammed the door behind him.

The blonde seated on the sofa didn't bat an eye, didn't even lift his head to acknowledge the boy's presence. He continued to lazily take drags on his cigarette and the boy took a few steps closer. He was used to this by now, having lived with the blonde for several months already, and didn't need to hear or see a response from the older man to serve as a signal for him to continue.

It didn't matter if the older man was listening anymore. All the boy needed was to let it out. He didn't want comfort from other people anymore, knowing nobody really cared and couldn't possibly care for him anyway.

"And YOU had the _nerve_ to say THAT!" He balled his hands into fists. //_Life just isn't fair.//_

"_YOU BASTARD!"_ He spat.

Finally, his blonde housemate decided to take notice of him. Taking a deep drag from a cigarette, the blonde shifted his body so he was facing the boy.

__

//Why..?//

"Shut the fuck up." The boy flinched at the tone of his voice, suddenly being reminded of the older man's so-called 'reputation'. The bastard was _mean_ and _proud_ of it. "What did you want me to fucking say?" Cold golden eyes met the boy's blue ones and his breath caught.

" 'Oh, he whines and cries about it, but like hell I care. I fuck him and he shuts up.' "

__

//Why did it have to be like this?//

It was like a slap on the face and the boy could feel tears welling in his eyes. He bit his lower lip hard, drawing blood. 

"You bastard." He managed to hiss, unable to say anything more than that.

He watched as the blonde stood up from the sofa and stubbed his cigarette on the ashtray on the coffee table. A small cruel smile was on the man's lips, taunting the boy. His housemate didn't need to tell him out loud _'I hit something, didn't I?'_ for him to hear it, or know. It was written all over the blonde's face.

Before he knew it, a hand was cupping his face and tilting his head up. So lost in his thoughts was he that he didn't notice his housemate walk up to him.

"The bitch wasn't good enough." The boy could feel the older man's warm breath on his skin and smell tobacco and alcohol strongly. "Not that you're any good, but you'll do…"

And with that, the older man brought their lips together in a carnal kiss. The boy let himself go, let his body respond and allowed himself to _forget_, even if he knew it would only last for a few hours, about his fucked up life.

__

//I'm trapped.//

The next thing he knew, he was pushed up against a wall, in _his_ room, moaning and whimpering as the man called Yuki Eiri ravished him with kisses all over his body. 

He let out a moan when a hand found itself in his shorts but as pleasured as he was, tears were springing from his eyes and rolling down his cheeks.

He didn't want this, at least not like _this_.

__

//Fate is such a bitch.//

A few hours later, he found himself lying naked in _his_ bed, staring at the ceiling above him. An arm was slung about his chest, almost lovingly but he knew it couldn't possibly be 'love'. He closed his eyes and bid the tears to come but none came.

Funny, how he was crying while _he_ fucked him. Maybe, if it were possible, he thought, he'd finally shed all of his tears.

__

//Maybe.//

He gazed down at the sleeping figure beside him, taking note of how peaceful _and_ damned beautiful Yuki's face looked in his sleep. It even looked as if the man was smiling, faintly though.

Or maybe, it was just him imagining things again and trying to get his hopes up.

__

//God help me.//

"I love you." The boy whispered slowly, carefully brushing the strands of blonde hair away from Yuki's eyes.

__

//I thought I was doing the right thing.//

He slipped out of _his_ bed and gathered his clothes from the floor before walking out. 

He remembered how it all began, how he met Yuki Eiri one night in a park. Fate was a cruel, cruel thing, allowing him to fall in love with a man who hated him down to the core. 

It hurt, really, it did.

He sat down later that night, writing his thoughts and pouring his very soul into poems/lyrics. Tonight he had another piece of 'useless crap' – as Yuki put it. It was not for his band though, or for the hundreds, thousands of fans he had all over Japan.

It was for him and for him alone.

__

//Life just isn't fair,

It shouldn't be like this,

I'm trapped here,

Unable to resist your kiss,

Dull… mute... crying.

And I can't hate you,

Not your sharp words, no,

Not even your cold glare,

So I'm stuck here in this limbo,

With no escape, no, none at all.

So I just deceive myself,

Lead myself to believe you care,

Deep down beneath that ice,

So I smile like everything's fair,

That everything's fine and I'm all okay.//

---

[1] I'm not sure what to name the magazine, or if they actually named it in the _manga_ or _anime_. Either way, I was being lazy and decided to slap that one in – I saw that being used in one of _bakayaro onna_'s fanfics (_Over Breakfast_) and decide to use that instead. Pop Beat, ne?


End file.
